The Geronimo Inversion

There is a new aerobatics maneouvre which is taking the paragliding world by storm. It is called the Geronimo Inversion, and it is really cool, but you need lots of height, a large black-plastic rubbish-bag, a black marker pen (small), and a box of matches. Here's what you do.

First you have to get up, at least to the inversion layer, which partly explains the name. Note : if the inversion layer is below takeoff, DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS MANEOUVRE. Apart from being dangerous, you won't complete the maneouvre, so won't score any hardcore points.

So there you are, at, lets say, 2000m above takeoff, give or take a few feet, arms, or hands. Let's check that - take the box of matches, and drop it over the side of your harness, listening carefully. The box will travel at a terminal velocity of just on 40km/h. It should take 3 minutes before the box strikes the ground, and 3 minutes for the sound to return to you. If you still haven't heard anything after a six minutes, then you are high enough for the Geronimo Inversion.

Yank on both brakes, just how they didn't teach you in Paragliding School. As the glider drops back violently into a full stall, you must let go. It is important that you let go when the glider is dropping back into the stall, and not later, for the later release is called the 'Woos-Out' and is performed by DHV Test-pilots daily, so it's old hat.
Now the exclamation "Geronimo!" can be uttered, as your glider shoots over your head, diving way past the horizon in front of you, and then continuing the arc to fly below you. You have to act very quickly. Pull out the black plastic bag from your harness side-pocket, stick your feet into it, and pull as much of the bag as possible up around your body. Other exclamations are permissable at the point.

If you have done the setup correctly, you should fall into your canopy. Now there's nothing to worry about, I've done it lots of times, and the plastic bag will stop you getting hooked up in the lines. It also helps you to slide out of the wing, to complete the maneouvre. But wait! You absolutely have to get your pen out first, and mark where you where in the wing. It's called 'dotting the i', and lots of folk forget to do it, in all the excitement. Don't fall into this trap - it really ruins the credibility of your story. You have to 'dot the i', that's all there is to it. Once you get good at the Geronimo Inversion, you can write little snatches of graffiti, like 'Gravity Sucks', 'Tod was here', or (my favourite) 'There's one born every second'.

The record so far is held by the Chilean pilot Andri Cheocten who scribed 'All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth' on his wing during a Geronimo Inversion last December. This proved to be a bit ambitious, and he impacted the ground before completing the maneouvre. The irony of it was, he lost ALL of his teeth in the accident. Go figure. If you get bored with scribbling on your wing, you can always try to catch the matchbox instead.

Thanks to Marc Chirico (GOSKYHI@aol.com) for the truly maniacal pictures.